What are my thoughts worth? I’m guessing a lot less than what I believe they are.

What are my actions worth? A lot more than I assume they are.

Sometimes following through with action is so much more complicated than it looks from the outside. But here’s me acting out my thoughts through words.

I have so much to say. I have stories to tell. But every time I speak from the heart, I know that it won’t end well.

I know of words that may hurt. Maybe one maybe two maybe even more of you.

It won’t have to be the words themselves that cause the pain but the intent that wasn’t intended that do.

What else do I have to offer, in this complicated world that already has everything else?

What more am I worth than another, who already has given of themselves?

Only my thoughts, and maybe some actions, which won’t be any different but so much the same.

As someone else who has done that and done it well.

Will I succeed or will I fail, in doing my own thing?

Or will this just be me, following my every whim?

If that makes you happy, I guess that it’s okay.

But somehow, that won’t cut it for me ’cause I want more than just a say.

More than just the readers and the views. I want all of hell!

Hell here, is subjective. See, how I have to explain myself.

This world is hell itself. For those that are dying.

For those that are not, we die too. When we watch the suffering, and we don’t know what more we can do.

Are our words worth anything more than what we believe it to be?

Just words that have no meaning or worth. In this apostacy.

Where is the God we love so much? Why won’t He make it stop?

Take us all to Heaven, ‘stead of leaving us here to rot.

Are these our only options? Is testing the only stage?

What am I being tested for, when all I have is faith?

While some can go on living, and others are fighting pain.

Pain that hurts more than feeling – the emotions are to blame.

Are they not worthy to live like the rest of us?

Walking along with feeling and thinking of just this much?

Can’t they go for walks, and walk their doggos too?

And turn around when their legs hurt, and just say, “well that’s new”.

Can’t they go out to the malls, and try the outfits there,

And wonder “why don’t these fit me right?” without another care.

Why can’t they go to eat, at a restaurant they love.

And crib about the extra salt that spilled, in their favourite food for lunch?

Why does it have to be a limb or their heart or their head?

Why do they have to lose so much, when it could just be something that’s said?

Words hold so much meaning, if we could just use them the way we should

We’ve all been given the blessing, to use them as we would.

Are my thoughts worth anything, when there is a war out there?

But someone’s does and someone’s will. They just need to know to care.

Stop thinking, use your words. Do the thing you want to do.

Sometimes your actions can also speak the words that you want to.

❤

Friday morning, I woke up earlier than I needed to on a weekend. And this is what spilled out of me. The pain is so real and raw. And when I think of the pain I feel, I acknowledge that it is NOTHING compared to the real and actual suffering.

I know there’s many who feel this way too. And I know there’s a lot out there who think this isn’t our war cry to begin with. But every battle out there is personal if we let it be. It doesn’t matter which part of the world we’re in. If the world is suffering, so are we!

We came down here as a collective. And we will go back as the same.

Finding God is finding the humanity in us. Religion was meant to bring us together, not expand the chasm that separates us.

The principles are all the same – preserving life, respect, compassion & endurance. Our strength lies in this and not in fighting it.

Words hold so much weight and that’s why speaking has either become useless or banned completely. Speaking out for the truth, speaking what’s right, speaking up for another when they can’t do it themselves.

Fear holds us back. Words can be twisted to mean something they’re not. And for some of us, accountability for the words we speak instil fear in us. And so, we choose to stay silent and uninvolved to stay safe.

But sometimes, we need to overcome that fear in ways that we can. and we need to speak. We need to let it all out and see where it leads us.

This is my truth. This is me, using my words and my voice through my fear to do so. My fear of losing dear ones, of rejection, of being hurt in return for baring my soul, of being misunderstood, of being heard!

❤

And here’s another one for this special day:

I get to go to bed at night, with a pillow under my head.

No war cry and no wailing, no drone sounds overhead.

What did I do to deserve this? Was this the path I chose?

Were they stronger than I was, even in the way before?

While the screams and cries of agony, is shouted out unheard.

And we sit in our cooled-up homes, crying to just feel heard.

Holding my child close to me, smelling her hair and face

While those moms out there with nothing left of their child, to even show them grace.

The only thing is memories of laughter and of love.

A life that’s done living, even though not very much.

What did she do to deserve this, to watch that life recede?

All her dreams and hopes shattered and gone forever while she wishes ‘it were me!

I’d rather go before my love, before I watch the light in their eyes die.

Because without them here to watch them grow, I can’t see another reason why.’

As the world celebrates the mothers for all the things we do.

The sacrifices we make to ensure that you don’t have to.

We’ll sacrifice and sacrifice and give up everything for you.

When it’s time for you walk out the door, we’ll wish you’d take us too.

Take us with you to the afterlife. We’ll care for you the same.

We gave up part of our body once to bring you here, what’s losing it again?

I wish to remember all those that have lost, especially the mothers, on this day.

International Mother’s Day to everyone!

Love always,

A mother ❤