I started a bunch of stuff this year. 2024, has been a testing ground so far of the growth & progress I made during the year 2023. And I’m hopeful that it will continue to be more so over the remaining part of the year.

I started off last year with mustering up the courage and asking for help. This year, I tested my capacity of receiving said help.

I’ve done the “new mom” bit once, twice and now a third time. This time around I caught myself a little unprepared and deviating from our initial & well thought out plan. Those who know me know how all over the place I can be when a diversion hits.

I spend a good 25% of my time planning and prepping. Sometimes more. And I have come to expect and accept that things don’t always go completely according to plan and that’s okay. But when the diversion is so complicated and turns your head around all the way, that’s something else.

So, this is where I found myself a couple of years ago, and I could barely move. It was like a ‘deer in headlights’ situation. A different plan in mind and a vastly different one in motion – which called for an immediate change in tactic, but I couldn’t figure out a tactic.

2023 looked very different to me before and now I couldn’t really see what it would look like with these unexpected changes. I was supposed to be back on my feet, doing my own stuff, having figured out what I wanted with life. With the girls (both of them) finally in school, I was supposed to be able to buy back the time that I had sacrificed for them, to find myself again. But I found myself adjusting to one more child at home, a toddler at that, along with household responsibilities that increased over time with growing children (in number & age). Would I ever get my life back?

I decided then that I had gone it alone for all of these years & through COVID (requires special mention :P) and proved myself (to myself specifically) and I could ask for help now instead of accepting and living another couple of years in sacrifice to later on despise the people that I chose to sacrifice for.

It wasn’t easy. It took falling sick, and being forced to lean on another for assistance and support, working at leaving my ego behind, and my need to keep proving my self-worth – would it mean that I took on too much and now I’m backing out of the responsibilities? Would it mean that I’m just shirking off my responsibilities and duties onto someone else in order to follow my own selfish agenda? Would this mean I’m not worthy or that I’m not enough?

Why is it so hard for most women to put ourselves first sometimes? Even if we finish everything else to do that.

It took a lot of effort and back and forth to finalise the decision. And once decided, it was a tough act to follow through with. How much could I delegate without losing my purpose? What could I do to compensate for it? Would I still be worthy of love and space?

Almost mid-way through the year, and a whole paradigm shift later, I think I’m getting there!

I am learning to acknowledge and accept that just because I don’t do some of the work that I used to before, it does not make me any less worthy of love or time. I’ve proved myself through survival and now I’m allowed to live a little. I don’t need to break myself over the course of my entire lifetime to take up space in my home and family.

That’s how the world used to work. There’s been a visible shift and the world has started to move forward. So, why not move ahead along with it?

Everyone deserves to be loved and feel it, regardless of what we give back to earn it. You deserve to take up space, regardless of how your worth is calculated. You were born for a reason. And you deserve to find your purpose, while you live one that is already somewhat clear to you. You can do anything, be anything, and just be just as you are.

The conditions are love, compassion, and peace!

It’s not wrong to ask for help. Wondering if you may be inconveniencing someone is okay but don’t let that stop you. If you want a friend to talk to, reach out. If you need help with a task, ask. And return the favour, in any way that you can, when you can. Even a pay it forward. The universe sees all. God sees all.

If you want something, how will you find it if you don’t look for it? How will the person on the other side know to open the door if you don’t knock? If you don’t ask, how will you know if it’s possible or not?

Hating yourself for the inability to do something is easy. Knowing your limit and accepting it takes a little bit of effort. And it’s okay to be limited. As long as you can teach yourself to reach out to another when you need it, you’ll be fine. There’s a reason why everyone is so different.

In a marriage, we barely see two partners who are absolutely alike. Their differences are what determine their level of success in everyday life and in their marriage – the complimentary nature of their differences. This holds true in nature too, one human being with another, while we all need to survive this existence. Not just survive it but live it!

Set aside your fear and thoughts to asking for help. Rejection is the right of another. You deserve to ask though, when you need it. We weren’t meant to do everything alone.

Here’s to trying new things – even the insignificant (if that’s what they feel like at the moment) things.

Love always,