I’d like to dedicate this post to all my friends out there – the real ones, who’ve seen me through the struggles and decided to stick on. August being the month we celebrate friends, I thought it appropriate to travel a little into my journey with friendships – past & present.

When I was a child, I had so many friends – my own and those that I borrowed from my brother, and also the few that were children of my mother’s friends. That number though can never compare to the number of friends we have today, online. Some have a crazy amount more than others.

Our online friends are made up of friends we’ve made along the way growing up, our current friends based on who and where we are, family that we still have to categorize as friends on social media platforms, acquaintances, friends of friends, family of friends, and sometimes even random people that we’ve never met or known. In some ways, our circle has expanded. But when you look at it, who are some of these people? We may have known some of them at some point of time in our past, but who are they now really?

Do they wish us well? Do they send us love? When we need a shoulder to cry on, do we find that shoulder here in these hundreds, thousands, millions, billions, etc friends list?

When I was young and I needed a friend, I’d walk out the door, take my bike and go for a ride through the neighborhood, looking over walls and gates to see if my friends were outside in their garden or porch. If I was lucky enough, I would see one of their heads above said wall or gate and pause my ride and call out to them. Depending on the situation, I would either be invited in or they would join me for a ride on their bikes.

My brother’s friends on the other hand were always available. They would come by the house, sit around talking, listening to music, eating. I had free access to any of them whenever I was bored (or jealous and just wanted to be a pain) and needed someone to talk to. Lucky for me, they were all the nicest they could be to the little sister. If I ever had the need, I knew I had a bunch of older brothers waiting around the corner to defend me, excluding my own of course. For a long while, I thought he honestly hated my guts! That discussion’s for another day though.

Then mobile phones made their entry into our world. It was a couple of years in after I had just changed districts and schools. It was a terrible pair up. I was struggling to make friends and differentiate them from non-friends in this new place, while the introduction of mobile phones only complicated matters.

Everyone was so excited about this new device that we could all communicate with. No wires attached so we could move around with it. Go to our own secluded corners and tick-tick-tick away on them with no one to check on what we were typing and to whom. We could have different ringtones for different people in our contact lists so we knew who was calling when the phone rang, immediately able to assess how urgent the call was or needed answering or not. Text messages going back and forth constantly – weird jokes being shared, memes in their ancient dialect being forwarded. It sucked us all right in.

Just this, access to wireless networking, private communications led to an increase in the number of connections we made. People that we would otherwise not have the courage to talk to or approach, we did with the protection of our screens. We couldn’t see faces, we couldn’t sense emotions. It was just whatever text came through following the beep-beep and how we read it.

It restricted honest genuine conversations. But it improved access. The number of proposals I received over the years from random boys I never knew existed will prove that point. It also ruined friendships and trust. Sim cards and numbers were so easily available that people texted you from multiple numbers to test you, to tease you, kids you thought were your friends. Sometimes, these pranks went on for a dangerous length of time. That’s where the root cause of my trust issues lie. There were so many text messages coming in – friendship requests, kids trying to connect, sometimes adults trying to connect with kids because we couldn’t see the face behind the message.

When you think of it, why were children provided a device that the adults barely knew how to operate back then? It’s still the same but with a different set of children, and a different set of adults. Just goes to say that we as humans learn so much yet learn so little at the same time.

Coming back to today, maintaining friends on social media is not all bad, compared to when it started. It’s like a friend that I recently re-connected with explained how using social media today is wholly dependant on the hand that wields it – you can use it to harm or help based only on your intention.

I’ve been able to reconnect with a lot of my old friends, stay connected even though I’ve moved around a little, unlike the days when leaving would have been goodbye, till we meet again if fate will have it. Now, we meet again everyday, on social media. I’ve been in your home, I’ve met your kids, I’ve sat in your car, I’ve had breakfast, lunch & dinner with you, maybe even been with you on your coffee date. I’ve gone to the movies with you, I’ve helped you with your shopping, I’ve been with you to the spa, watched you get your nails & hair done. See, how that comes off a little bit like stalker-ish.

This is what confuses me. Because along with all that, I have also enjoyed the rain with you, I have also climbed the mountains with you, I’ve also watched the snow, felt the sun, seen the stars, heard the birds and the breeze.

And yet, after all this, I am alone. Alone, while I sit and type this, while I relive my past, hoping I can show you a glimpse of the same. Alone, while I live my present, searching for a genuine connection. Alone, with more friends today than I’ve had in my entire life!