Somewhere around a couple of weeks ago, the whole mental workload got to me, and I was dealing with some version of an emotional burnout, which again leads to meltdowns. And so, I had a few. I would work on it, try to keep it at bay, or once the meltdown happened, I would try to get back up, and then shortly after, there would be another one. So, this went on for approximately two weeks. I’ve come to accept that this is a very normal part of the human functioning. and hence, the ability to express it here.

Now, the fun part, what happens during these meltdowns with the kids around? Do I work at having them in private? Would it traumatize my children to see their mother struggle with her emotions just like they do?

I had had a similar discussion with a few mom friends a few months ago – is it ok to cry in front of your child?

How else would a child know that it’s normal to feel a certain way? How would they know that their emotions are natural and normal and that it can be worked through unless they watch it in action?

That being said, it does not mean that we initiate a tantrum or a meltdown just to provide them with a learning experience. But if it does happen naturally, it is okay to let it be.

Growing up I was always told that feeling and expressing anger was wrong and was the devil’s temptation and trait. It did not belong to a righteous person even if it was a product of hurt or embarrassment or unfairness. No matter the cause, it was the wrong response.

I went on to believe this for all of my childhood, and well into my adulthood. It did not stop me from feeling those feelings though and so I believed I was a terrible person who did not deserve to receive any form of joy or see heaven when the time came.

What I have come to experience from becoming a mother is that my children, all three of them feel anger at different times of the day and for different reasons. Sometimes, they feel it all at the same time, and for me that’s hard but just think about them. When they’re struggling with their feelings and I need to prioritize and attend to one at a time, and most times I’m at a terrible loss on how to handle the situation. Most of the times when they feel this way, it has to do with feeling unheard or unseen, when they’re confused, tired, hungry, dirty or misunderstood.

Personally, I’ve been teaching myself to ask, “why do I feel this way and what is this emotion trying to say?”

As an adult, the times I feel real anger is when I feel misunderstood or unheard, when I witness injustice or experience anxiety, when I’m burned out or hungry. It’s not so different to my children. Their reasons for feeling this way have simpler explanations than mine. But the reasons are more or less the same.

If the adults in our lives had been better equipped to handle these emotions or assist with them, as adults today we would be better off doing the same. I wouldn’t have had to break myself apart over the years to put myself back together again through the learning process.

Children need to be taught the normality of the various emotions we go through a day, through the course of our lives. And what better way to do it than experientially.

As adults, we get angry, scared, we cry, when we’re happy we show joy, we are excited, nervous and sometimes (most times) unsure of what lies ahead. These are not emotions restricted to children. But how will the child know that if we don’t show them or tell them?

Today, I choose to tell my children when I’m nervous in a situation. I choose to tell them when I’m scared. I choose to tell them when I’m sad and I need to cry about it. And that it’s okay to do so. I choose to tell them when I’m angry, and why. I choose to tell them when I’m hurting and how I plan on working toward feeling better again. I choose to tell them when I’m exhausted from answering all their questions and hungry and angry because of it. I choose to tell them when I’ve had enough of them and need a time out to fill up my tummy and empty my mind so I can be in a better place to be there for them again.

And you know what, they get it. They get it better than an adult ever would. Because they feel all of those things too and they haven’t yet learned to push the feelings away.

The same way that I feel it is important to understand and acknowledge the flaws of a loved one to love them better, I feel it’s important for my child to know that I am imperfect in many ways and yet I am perfect for them. It is better for them to accept me the way that I am than have to bring me down from an unreasonable pedestal later on in their lives.

So, here’s to being human in front of your kids. Emotion in their presence and let them know that they are perfect just the way they are, just the way you are. All of you.

Don’t forget to feel. That’s what makes us all human. That’s what makes us all kind to the harshness of the world.

When we understand what we feel and why, we will learn to accept its presence and embrace it for what it is – a valid part of who we are. And in this world that is slowly inching closer to unfeeling, we can try and hold on to our being for who we are and who we were made to be.

Love always,