Surviving The Noise

Am I really?

This is one of the hardest things to say while completely meaning it, am I right?

Over the years I’ve used this word so much that sometimes I even apologize for something that isn’t my fault. I have since found out that I’m not alone in this and that there are so many of us out there who are ready to take the blame no matter who faulted or even if there isn’t a fault to begin with, like we’re sorry we even exist. Hehe.

I’ve been on this journey to break this habit of mine. It’s not been an easy ride and I remember a few times recently where I’ve wanted to do it, but I caught myself just before I could.

So, it makes me wonder when I’m here struggling to stop using the word, there are so many out there who find it so hard to use them. What’s with that, right?

It’s not that I’m so righteous that I know when to apologize. When the need really arises, I falter too.

It’s because saying “I’m sorry” is so easy when they’re just words and hold no heart.

You can just say it so the woman in your life shuts up for a second. This is for the men. You have no clue about why she’s mad at you, but you just want her to stop, so you throw it in there. A blanket “I’m sorry (for whatever I did)”.

Let me tell you, this right here, is not an apology! It could count for a “please shut up for goodness’ sake”, but it does NOT count as an apology in any way.

When a friend says, “I didn’t know you thought that way. I’m sorry you did”. This is another example of ‘not an apology’.

When family says, “I’m sorry you felt that way. We had the best intentions.” This is another one that does not hold as an apology.

My daughters and I had a beautiful quick lesson on repentance a couple of days ago – the 3-step process of it.

Step One: Feel it from the heart. Know what you did wrong. Feel the regret of your actions or words or intentions.

Step Two: Use your words. Say “I’m sorry”.

I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry that what I said did not come out the way I intended it to. I’m sorry I made you feel that way, that was not my intention. I’m sorry I did that; it was a mistake.

Step Three: Follow through with your actions. Work hard at not repeating it (whatever “it” is). If you’ve been acting a certain way, work at fixing it. If you’re used to speaking a certain way, try to correct that. What’s important is that the intention to change is there and you’re trying.

Bottom line is that the person who you offended is more important to you than the weight of your head. Apologizing for the error of your ways has never and will never mean you value yourself any less but that you value the other person just as much! They aren’t beneath you and you’re not towering above them. And that’s what’s important.

“I’m sorry” should never just be “I’m sorry”. It needs to be accompanied by Steps 1 & 3 to be a whole.

An apology knows no age and it knows no time.

How is it that it’s so easy to apologize to an infant and yet as that human grows older, that urge to apologize to them diminishes.

Making mistakes has no age barrier either. Just living longer than someone else does not give me the privilege or right to not have to apologize for the harm or hurt that I have caused them.

A mistake is a mistake. The acceptance of it is just that – accepting that I made a mistake and nothing beyond it.

And I’ve noticed that almost always, acknowledgment and apology directly or indirectly affect someone we care about. For instance, as a parent I usually blow up where my family is concerned. And not being able to acknowledge, apologize and let go will either affect me or my child’s capacity to move on. As a parent I have learned that children need to see us as adults functioning in a normal situation, wherein acknowledgement of our actions and apologizing for them is one of those things that we need to do for them and in front of them so that they know that it is okay to make a mistake sometimes as long as your heart is in the right place. We can always retrace our steps. We can always fix what we’ve broken or at least we can try (to make amends). And that is vital.

Being able to do this will ensure that there’s more people out there who act with empathy rather than pride. And how beautiful would that world be when it happens, if everyone took accountability for their actions and vowed to make a difference moving forward.

I personally would like to add this to my list for the year, to work toward being that change, to make the world a better place, starting from our very own little world we are a part of every day. For a better tomorrow for the generations that follow.

An apology should not just be used when we want to shut someone up or end a discussion but to instead open up our hearts to selflessness and humility and compassion. Because that’s what the world’s most in need of today.

I started this exercise last year, and I intend to continue to hold myself accountable for the apologies I give this 2024, to use them sparsely but with intent, and also to not hold back when I know I shouldn’t.

And so, I will not be apologizing for this long & tiring post because even though I really want to apologize for putting someone through this rant, I’m not sorry I wrote this.

As usual, love always,