When there’s so much going on or even when there’s so little, I feel a certain distance build between me and everyone around me. And everything. Like I am a part of existence, and yet I am outside of it. I feel untouchable, unreachable sometimes, lacking a connect.

Even if I try to listen to music, I feel it wash over me, but it does not touch me – like having an invisible shield around my physical person, a cloak of invisibility of sorts.

In social settings, I rather prefer observation to immersion, most times. (It causes less regret in the wee hours of the night when all those memories come rushing in messing with my sleep). With everything that’s going on, immersion is feeling harder by the day, even on those days when I want to immerse myself in the experience that the universe is offering me.

I’m not sure if it’s the jittery anxiety of another year ending and a new one beginning and all the not knowing expectations of what that entails. It may as well be.

I want to feel alive! Why can’t I do both though – feel untouchable and feel alive? Maybe there’s a balance I need to work to achieve that I’m not seeing yet.

We are on the last day of 2023. Everyone’s got so many lists that are being checked off, and new ones being prepared for the upcoming year with new and renewed hopes for a brighter tomorrow. And there’s some of us who want to go in without a single thing on that list and just watch what the year has to offer. (2020 has taught us that much!)

I can’t help but think that after years of just surviving, am I not ready to finally live? Do I have the courage to do so? Can I find that strength in me to let go?

But that’s the thing, so many that I know today, are so busy just striving to survive instead of putting in that same effort or even half of it to live the life we’ve been graced with.

Today, I think it’s time to let go of the guilt that holds me back, to let go of the guilt of putting myself and my need & will to live aside, and actually start living. Today, I want to open the lock and try putting the key away to see if I’ll survive it. Scratch that, to see if I’ll live it. I owe myself at least that much, if not more.

So, here’s my only goal & advise for 2024 – LIVE & LET LIVE!!! Stay untouchable! You deserve it!

Love lots,