It always catches me by surprise when I learn something new on any given day. When I was a teenager, I thought I knew it all and yet…

Every time I open my mouth or open a chat box, I fear the stupidity that may leak out. I’m worried of sounding clueless or lost on any topic. And if there is a topic that’s being discussed and I am actually clueless about it, I immediately open up the phone and ask my current best friend – google. When you’re asked about your biggest fear of being stuck on an island without a phone, this is it. I don’t fear the lack of communication, the lack of information is what scares me most.

The apprehension of an expected conversation stresses me out. I plan, I talk different conversation directions through with myself before it actually happens. This is why I prefer a text message over voice notes and calls. Even voice notes are better than an impromptu call where nothing that comes out of my mouth goes through an editing process of some sort.

And when I’m caught off-guard in a conversation with information that I am unaware of, I’ll mentally record that to research later, when the occasion allows it or when I’m tossing and turning at night over the said discussion. Sometimes, my feeling foolish does not subside after the research, rather increases in effect, in turn making me lose all of that night’s sleep.

Today though, I’ve come to realize that these situations where I sometimes speak absolute rubbish, may not in fact be absolute rubbish to the other person hearing them. I say the other person here because the first person hearing them is me. I hear myself and I hold myself accountable for everything that comes out of my mouth, especially the unfiltered bits.

Now I know that in those places where I don’t know much of what’s being said by me or by anyone else, is actually an opportunity to learn something new. I might say something foolish at the time. I may be corrected, intentionally or not. And when that does happen, I don’t need to be embarrassed by it. Instead, I can take that as a lesson learned, a new bit of information gained, current knowledge expanded. This way, google isn’t my only helpful friend. Everyone I talk to is.

When you think of how much information is out there that you have no clue about, it makes you feel younger by years! That’s another good thing I realized in the process. Who doesn’t want to feel younger eh?

With every year, and every birth month and day that goes by, I feel like I’m inching closer to insignificance. Questions like, “Of what value will I be to the world?” haunt me. But now I can ask myself instead, “Of what value is the world to me?” Well, that’s an infinite number of things when you consider the things we know nothing of even after reaching the age we’re at, no matter what your age is.

No one knows everything! And I guess that’s also why we fear for the end of our lives. How can we leave when there’s still so much left to uncover and to learn, un-learn & re-learn?